About White Eagle

My Spiritual Journey

1966 – 1996

In the beginning there was God, there was always God. I seemed to have always known God, I didn’t always know what that was, but I knew the essence of it. I had always felt an affinity to the Lord from as young as 5 years old and I have also seen spirits on and off from that same young age. Something was out there, and whatever that was, it had my back, and I knew it. Not only did I know it, I could feel it, sense it and engage with it. It gave me at times, a fearless spirit and the innate ability to forgive and offer compassion whether to people or animals.

Sunday school helped me to start to understand the Christian concept of God and of the Lord, but even from such an early age I had always talked to God what ever God was, and I knew that I was heard. God was my friend, as was the Lord, and in times of need or fear I would call out and I would be comforted. My relationship with God as a child, was no different than having a relationship with someone from school, only I couldn’t see God but despite my limited knowledge, my faith and trust were unconquerable, God lived, I knew, because I spoke with Him/It daily.

My teenage years passed with little to no interest in church but my interest in the world of spirit was still present, I would read whenever I could books on spiritual matters, especially books on healing as I felt very drawn as a healer; my paternal grandmother was a faith healer and this had a significant impact on me. Edgar Cayce was some of my first spiritual books read in my teens, they were far from holding Christian concepts, but they did, none-the-less widen my view and perception of the spiritual world, it was, in essence, preparing me for a future date with destiny.

By late teens, I had finished school, left home and started working in a nursing home whilst waiting to commence my nurse training, the deep stirring of Christ started to rise again and my way of acknowleding that stirring was to draw. I started drawing pictures that I would copy from a pictorial bible, it was a way of connecting with that inner voice of God.

By my mid-twenties, I was happily married, had a baby, and had moved overseas and given my life to Christ fully. I was involved in Pentecostal churches for 10 years and took pride in my role as a servant of the most high God. I became involved in street outreach and walked miles upon miles delivering pamphlets of up and coming services and events, walking in the sunshine with thoughts about God whilst delivering to 5000 mail boxes was a meditative task for me.

After two years and a change of pastors, I started to feel trapped, in a box, the second pastor wasn’t as nice as the first one, and the second one had a lot of anger which you could see when he became irritated at his congregation. God moved me on.

The next Pentecostal church was much bigger, the praise and worship was amazing, and I found I could really lose myself in worship. In this church I became an ordained minister and served faithfully, but after two years, I could feel God moving me on. When I first felt that I needed to move on, I was absolutely gutted, I loved my Church and wanted to stay there for ever, but God had other things in store. I learnt much at that church, I was faithful to outreach services and prayer, and I co-ran a home group with my spouse of that time.

The next church was, in some respects, similar to the first church, the Pastor and his wife were some-what bullies and coerced the congregation into what they themselves wanted, even if the people didn’t want it. There was, once again much pressure to be or do what was expected of you. Although I only stayed there for two years, I learnt much. I learnt how to say no, I learnt how to stick up for myself without feeling I was going against God. I learnt to stand strong and do what I felt was right with the Lord. I became more comfortable being outside the box that I was expected to be in.

The next church was a lovely church, a small church, this was my exit church. I started to feel that God was leading me out of the church all together and onto my shamanic path. This was a scary time in my life because the past teachings had always told me that to leave church would be to leave God and would be to go against God, yet, underneath all the confusion, I knew God had another plan for my life, I knew that that plan required me to step out of the box and trust. I knew that the plan God had for me was going against what Christianity preached to some degree, but that it would take me safely into a new phase of life. I was ready to jump.

My first shamanic apprenticeship year was learning the basics, learning different terminology and embracing the idea of animism. I sat in many medicine wheels this first year, received much guidance from medicine cards, totem animals and Spirit, I fed my spirit on spiritual work books and read, read and read. I also spent much time alone in nature, sometimes for a day, other times for several days and nights, this was a very powerful time for me, I learnt so much and experienced my first vision quest as well as my first of several dark nights of the soul. This was the same time that I had felt God/Great Mystery drawing me away from my spouse, drawing me into a deeper relationship. At this time I still had the occasional visit by the pastor but all he could tell me was that what I was doing was of the devil.

What if he was right?

Despite the pain, the confusion, the rejection of the church, I knew in my heart of hearts that God/Great Mystery was speaking to me and I also knew it was time to start healing others.

1996 – 1997

I had now left the church and carried several wounds from their rejection and accusations which were going to take some time to heal. I missed dreadfully the companionship of the church as they were my family. My birth family were all in England and I hadn’t been back to England since I left in 1986.

My daughter was now a teenager and I wasn’t fully sure of what Great Mystery was doing in my life at that time, all I knew was I needed to trust and walk in faith. Over the course of that next year, I felt instructed to move out of my marital bed and have my own room. This was incredibly difficult for me as I had been with my spouse since I was 18 years old. I stayed faithful to Great Mystery and followed the still quiet voice that was directing me from within.

An advert in the paper was brought to my attention, a massage therapist was required for a working holiday on a small P&O ship based in Sydney Australia, I knew I needed to apply for it. I applied, I was invited for an interview and offered the job that day. I was amazed, elated, terrified and sad, all at the same time. Shocked to be offered the post as I had never been on a cruise ship before, elated that this was yet another door opening for me, terrified because I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for and terribly sad to the point of mourning because although the post was only a few months, I felt I was leaving not only my spouse, but also my daughter and twenty six animals. I knew they would all be fine, but I felt I was letting them all down, and yet, I also knew I needed to do this. My regular massage clients were supportive and realized that I may not be back. What hurt so much was that deep down, I also knew that this wasn’t just leaving for a working holiday, I also knew that this was going to be the beginning of leaving for good. Great Mystery had spoken loudly to my heart one day and said, very clearly:

“I want you to get a divorce………..you don’t have to if you don’t want to………….I will understand and I will still love you even if you don’t.”

I was gutted, to say the least, I remember falling to my knees broken, why? Why Great Mystery would you ask me to do this? Why would you ask me to leave everything that I have, my spouse, daughter, animals, home and country? Everything I had built up for nearly twenty years. I loved my life, we were a happy family, I loved being in Australia with the lifestyle, the sun, nature. I had everything, not in a materialistic way as I wasn’t too interested in material things, but I had everything in my family. I couldn’t comprehend that when I had loved God/Great Mystery all my life that I would be asked to give up everything that I loved and cherished to continue my shamanic path. At that time, dying would have been easier.

The time away on this delightful ship, although busy with massage and healing, gave me time to think and feel, it gave me time to re-read diaries and my messages from Great Mystery that were reassuring and comforting. But at the end of the day, how could I possibly refuse to follow the instruction of Great Mystery, I knew my life wasn’t really my life, but was my offering to life and although I had been told that I didn’t have to leave my life, I didn’t have it in me to say no.

That year was the hardest year of my life, I felt I had died, I felt like my heart had been broken a thousand times over, I cried, and cried, and cried, and when I had finished crying, I just cried more and more. I had so much that I was grieving for, I was distraught and completely broken inside, and that was before I had physically left. Working on that first cruise ship from Sydney harbour was the opening of the doors, I travelled the South Pacific, brought much healing into the lives of many and met so many amazing people. The time on that ship was the beginning of my own healing.

1997 – 1999

I had come to grips with the idea that I was now separating from the love of my life. I didn’t focus too much on it because it had the potential to make me change my mind, it had the potential to kill me because the pain was so great, or at least that is how it felt.

Through it all, my spouse was amazing, he was supportive and understanding, broken, fearful, and aware that he was going to have to finish bringing up our daughter who was now 17 years old. But never once did he speak against me, never once did he try to make me feel bad, he was a true angel, he loved me enough to let me go despite his own broken heart. He permitted me to spread my wings and fly, a gift that helped me to fulfil my calling.

The guilt I carried for that broken heart I carried for many years after, 20 years was a long time to be together and here was I, about to walk away from it all. I had to stay focused. All I knew was that Great Mystery had told me on my second to last cruise that I needed to buy a one-way ticket to England and get a job on international cruise liners. I didn’t have a clue where to go or who to ask, but on my last cruise, a young man came aboard, he was going to be working in the shops, he had just come from England and gave me the address of who I needed to contact once back in England. It is these synchronicities that let you know you are on the right track.

Despite other people on ship laughing at me and telling me I was stupid to go, and especially to go with no backup plan or money and stupid because I didn’t even know if I would be accepted for a job on international cruise liners; despite others telling me I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, tidy enough etc etc, which hurt, I kept my eyes on Great Mystery and trusted that the greater good knew best.

I arrived in England on a one way ticket late 1998, it was good to be back in England, the coolness of Autumn was quite refreshing and it was nice to see family after 12 years away. I rang the company that week and had an interview shortly afterwards in London. I was offered a job and had to go to London for several weeks training. I was sent out to my first ship from Miami, USA in 1999, it was a Royal Caribbean ship; it was amazing to say the least, was I really fortunate enough to be here or was it really a dream? Training and the real deal were worlds apart, nothing could have prepared me for what lay ahead, but despite the fear, the stress, the pressure, the lack of confidence – I loved it all, I felt eternally blessed, I felt rewarded for my sacrifice, I felt held by Great Mystery.

The job itself had many challenges, mostly challenges from some of the spa staff who felt they had earned the right to treat me like I was nothing; but nothing was going to move me on, nothing was going to stop me doing what Great Mystery had for me, I had sacrificed too much to let anyone get in my way, so look out world! I had no intention of being a door mat for anyone.

After 2 months, I was transferred to another ship, this was a normal occurrence, the present ship was going into dry-dock for renovations and I was given the choice to either stay on it in dock or go to another ship. I felt to go to another ship.

I was sent to a Carnival ship which was smaller and older and not as posh, but I didn’t mind, I was there to bring healing into the lives of others and that was what mattered to me. I rang home when I could but it wasn’t easy, I felt so bad every time I rang, it depressed me and left me feeling the grief that was still very evident in my heart.

I worked hard, and spent what time I could with Great Mystery, I reached into people’s heart and soul and brought much needed healing and peace into their lives. With each cruise lasting only a week, and each week bringing another 3000 passengers, I wasn’t short of people who needed healing.

As time went on I settled into ship life and loved it. I worked hard and played hard and although the majority of the salon’s staff were into drinking heavy, I wasn’t, my time was dancing, I would dance for eight hours none stop sometimes, it lifted my spirit, I made many friends and helped many staff members from around the world. I found I was naturally drawn to those who would be considered the lower ranks of people who worked very hard for little money, I found myself ministering to many of them on my time off. June 1999 came around and I met a wonderful man who was to be my companion on my shamanic journey, we hadn’t realized that yet but we did have an instant connection the moment our eyes met, I was smitten with him as soon as I saw his smile. He had a smile that just lit up his face and made my heart jump, but all I wanted was a friendship. My focus was on my spiritual path and nothing or no-one was going to come between me and my path, I had given up too much to let it all be whisked away with a romance. To come off my path now, would be to have given up my life for no reason, I had to keep going, I had to stay strong and focused.

My companion worked as a security guard and we spent much time together as friends, little did I know that I was to be so instrumental in his healing, his growth; little did I know that this was to be a long standing relationship that would stand the test of time.

Not too long after our friendship had started my friend kept insisting that I be his girlfriend, but I kept saying no, then one night, I had a dream, or perhaps I was taken into the future. I saw him getting married outdoors, I remember this dream as if it was yesterday. I was so happy for him, so happy that he had found someone he loved and cared for, someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I looked to his left to see if I knew his bride, and to my horror I saw myself. I sat bolt upright, the shock of what I saw awoke me instantly. My heart was beating fast, but it wasn’t with joy it was with trepidation. Don’t get me wrong, I really loved my friend, but that was it for me – my friend, my companion.

The dream or vision stayed with me the whole of the next day, in the end, I gave in and asked Great Mystery what the message was, and to my disbelief I heard a voice very clearly say:

“Give him a chance.”

I was shocked, my reply being – “you have to be kidding me?” But it was no joke. I felt quite dismayed, after-all, I had a spouse whom I loved with my heart and soul, why couldn’t I have that one, I wasn’t looking for anyone else. I was gobsmacked, I couldn’t believe Great Mystery was telling me this, we were like chalk and cheese, black and white, big and small; we were unbelievably different, and on top of that, we were from two very different backgrounds, very different lives and very different countries, the only thing we had in common was we worked on the same cruise ship, were generally nice people and felt a strong connection to each other! and YES…….I knew it was love at first sight, BUT I WASN’T LOOKING FOR LOVE!!!!

The remainder of my time on that ship was to do with bringing healing into the lives of many. Prior to the end of my contract I knew I needed to go back to Australia to visit my family. I was there for two weeks which was great, then I was heading to Central America to see my companion and meet his family before returning to ship. The parting in Australia was even more painful than the first one because I knew in my heart that this was it in my relationship. The trip to the airport was a long silent one, two hearts that loved each other dearly, yet two broken hearts, two hearts that would have turned back the clock in a heart-beat. All I could do was focus on where I was going, my heart was bleeding, it felt ripped open, if I didn’t focus on where I was going with Great Mystery, I wouldn’t have the strength to go through with it.

My time in Central America was amazing, to meet so many people and experience such a different way of living was wonderful. I was on a 10 mile square island 40 miles off the east coast of Nicaragua. The sun was always shining and when it rained, the heavens opened. It was December, I was spending Christmas there and returning to ship, in January.

The next ship was bound for Alaska, I had travelled the South Pacific, the Caribbean and was now about to embark on Alaska, I was really looking forward to it. Alaska was an amazing place, seeing icebergs so close was out of this world.

Our relationship grew but it wasn’t without its difficulties, the good times were great and the bad times were heart breaking; however, I would never call it a day because I knew Great Mystery had brought him into my life as my travelling companion.

My spiritual life was growing and I continued to bring healing into the life’s of passengers and staff members; life was still a truly amazing adventure of which I felt eternally blessed. As time went on I knew I needed to go to Arizona, but I didn’t know where. I asked Great Mystery to guide me and show me clearly, exactly where I needed to be. Over the next three days, passengers came in for massages and the conversation always ended up on shamanic healing and Arizona. Three different passengers on that same cruise said, “you need to go to Sedona,” which is in Arizona. Each time it was mentioned, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I knew it was a sign and I knew undoubtedly that that was the next leg of my journey.

2000 – 2001

In July we disembarked from our ship in Canada and flew to Arizona after a couple of days of sight-seeing. We bought one-way tickets to Sedona from Arizona airport and when asked by the driver where we were going in Sedona my answer could only be that I didn’t know and that we should be dropped off fairly central at a hotel and that I would take it from there. The driver looked quite dismayed but followed my instructions. We booked into the hotel he dropped us at and the following day we found a hub for healing, we met some wonderful people and within a week we were in our own place driving around in our own car. EVERYTHING fell into place and although it seemed as if nothing spectacular was happening, much was happening under the surface, I was growing, healing, healing others and broadening my understanding of the shamanic life. I had met several spiritual people on my journey, all who had input into my life, they were significant souls who were adding vital pieces to my puzzle of life, they were vital messengers sent by Great Mystery to help me on my way.

One thing I have learnt over the years is that we may not always see eye to eye with certain people, and we may not always agree with what another person thinks or believes, but if we can remain open and alert we more often than not can receive the message they have for us.

We were in Sedona, Arizona for 15 months, it was amazing, we were surrounded by red rocks, blue skies, never ending nature, beautiful shops filled with crystals and all things shamanic, I was in my element, and to complete it, the Grand Canyon was just a short drive away. The time came when I knew it was time to return to England, my shamanic apprenticeship had taught me so much, my allies, my animal totems, my spirit guides had all been instrumental in the forging of my spirit, my path of fire was purifying me, making me more fit for purpose, I had walked into my own underworld, my own hell and dealt with my own fears, my own demons and had come out the other side.

For those who don’t know me, my spirit name is White Eagle which was given to me by Spirit many years ago, it hasn’t always been that name, it has changed as I have evolved. I do call myself a shaman because that is what Spirit has told me I am, it has been a struggle accepting that title because I haven’t always felt that I was worthy of such a title, but as time has gone on, I have learnt to embrace that which I have been given.

Many people call themselves a shaman, but that doesn’t mean they are. I have trained in the concepts that Jamie Sams holds as imperative to being a shaman, which is that they must:

Be able to Counsel
Be a Historian
Have a knowledge of Herbs
Have a gift of Prophecy
Be able to Teach

“A healer is a person who is able to use the forces of Good Medicine to effect a cure in the body, mind or spirit. The Healer, or Curandero, does not use the forces of the shadow to effect cures. The Shaman on the other hand, is a healer who has gone into the underworld and has unflinchingly confronted his or her own shadow as well as the evil of others and can successfully deal with those forces of darkness equally used with those of light.

A Shaman has walked up to the gates of his or her personal hell and then walked in. The self-created demons of fear, insanity, loneliness, self-importance and addictions have been confronted and conquered by the Shaman who has gone through the gamut of Shaman’s Deaths. The quality that always shines in a true Shaman is compassion for the paths that others must walk. This comes from the fact that the Shaman has also walked through the underworld of the shadow and knows first-hand the pain involved in breaking the stranglehold of inner darkness.” – Jamie Sams

2002 – 2016

Arriving back in England meant going back into nursing whilst training as a counsellor and later studying psychology, my shamanic path continued but at a slower rate, it was as if I needed time for everything to settle within. My daughter who was now 21 years old moved back to England to be with me which was wonderful and I eventually left the NHS. I counselled in a school and college before working in a drug and alcohol rehabilitation unit as a counsellor and nurse; and a few years later my companion, (who was by now my spouse) and I opened up a health and wholeness store where I offered shamanic healing and taught an intense, 3yr shamanic practitioner/shaman course, as well as teaching all levels of reiki and hatha yoga. It was time to put all that I had learnt over these last 15 years into practice in a much fuller way. It was a wonderful experience and a confirmation of my path and my confidence in what I do. This was also the time I completed my natural medicine course and when I went on to study my PhD. We eventually closed the store as I felt I was being called back to Central America, I needed to go back to Nicaragua to do some land clearings and healing, and also to offer healing to the people. We remained there for 2 years and it was whilst there in 2015 that Great Mystery led me into more of a spiritual hermit or monastic life before coming back to England to settle.

So once again, my path was taking a different direction, it was moving out of the shamanic realm or Native American realm and into a deeper one on one connection with God/Great Mystery. This shift in direction required me to take vows of poverty, chastity, silence and obedience. The vow of poverty is not about getting rid of all your things and living as a poor person or giving all your money away, it is about getting rid of the excess, or the things from the past that you hold on to but no longer require, it is about not living a life of continual excess and indulgence. The vow of chastity for me, as a married person, was not about never having sexual relations with my spouse, it was about refraining from such relations, but it came with clauses; if my spouse wanted such relations, I was permitted to engage in them, and if my spouse did not agree to me following that vow, then I was dismissed from it. The vow of silence is not about not speaking, it is a vow that refrains from gossiping and continual small talk, which in itself creates much more silence in your life. The vow of obedience is to do with following God/Great Mystery and the plan or direction that you are led to; other than the vow of chastity, the other vows were straight forward as I had been naturally following them in life.

2016 – 2022

These 6 years were about settling down or taking rest, continuing on with my hermit/monastic life and the disciplines that went with it as well as looking after older family members, taking time out for me, and allowing myself the time I needed to continue to gently grow and consolidate my journey. This was also my time for writing and publishing my books. My first book being from my PhD thesis: The Effects of Shamanic Healing & Other Healing Practices on General Well-Being.

My life as a spiritual hermit/monastic also included working more closely with the weather, especially with hurricanes and tropical storms, living as a spiritual hermit/monastic, gave me the time I needed for solitude and to be able to do the things I was asked to do. So as you can see, the ‘shamanic’ ways were still present in my life, they were just used differently.

2023 – 2025

In January 2023 I felt it was time to move, I was feeling cut off in the country, it had been wonderful because it was what I needed at the time, but now things were changing, evolving, and I could feel it. At the beginning of February I asked Great Mystery to show me where I needed to move to, not where I wanted to go, but where would be best for me, but I didn’t tell anyone that that was the direction that I was seeking. Three days later my companion and spouse said to me: “A customer told me today that I would love this place in the south east of England” which is where the customer was working at the time; that was all I needed to hear, I thanked Great Mystery and I moved into the flat that I had also been led to three weeks later.

As I write this, that was 2 years ago. I am settled here and can’t imagine that I would move anywhere else. I enjoy the close proximity to nature, especially the ocean which is only 2 minutes away and the forest, both of which feed my soul.

These last two years I have updated most of my books and added more professional covers but my spiritual life has continued to be more about me and my healing, it has been about my personal walk and going deeper, discovering new insights and being the mystic I was born to be. I have also needed this time in order to consolidate my journey as an author and to see what things I have needed to let go of in preparation for what is to come.

In some respects, I feel my life has come full circle and that I am now back where I started at 5 years old, with just me and God/Great Mystery/The Divine, but with many years of knowledge, training, experience, and insights, all beautifully woven into my tapestry of life.

Life has been busy, but as always, as Great Mystery moves swiftly through my life, I embrace all that is to be embraced. Now, as we start 2026, my life feels like it is more about being and less about doing, but on closing, I just want to say thank you for being here, I hope and trust that in some small way, my life, my journey, has been an inspiration for you in finding your own healing, your own path, and remember:

Sometimes we need to follow the crowd or a path well trodden, and sometimes we need to forge our own path!