A Spiritual Breakdown
A spiritual breakdown can show itself in many ways, and it may be different for us all, and we may experience it to different degrees; however, it usually involves feeling disconnected from your spiritual path or spiritual source. With that, can come feelings of hopelessness, emotional distress, anxiety and depression; the symptoms of a spiritual breakdown can be experienced on all levels of being – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and even socially. One running theme seems to involve loss of motivation and hope, accompanied by a feeling of deep grief or despair, and being cut off from that which you spiritually believe in.
A spiritual breakdown can mimic a psychological and/or emotional breakdown, so do not assume that what you are feeling is a spiritual breakdown. For some, it will be easier to admit, or speak about a spiritual breakdown rather than a psychological breakdown. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms please see your doctor in case your symptoms are to do with a mental health issue as opposed to your spiritual path.
Hopelessness and despair can leave you feeling that your situation or circumstances will not improve or resolve themselves, this alone can lead to anxiety and depression. These feelings often lead to apathy and isolation from spiritual practices that were once meaningful, as well as social activities to do with spiritual practice. With low mood and anxiety it is quite normal to start to question your beliefs as doubts about yourself and your previous beliefs start to roll in like a thick fog. You can often feel alone in life which can make you isolate even more, creating a negative cycle of thoughts and behaviours, it is part of the process. In a moderate to severe spiritual breakdown you can find being around others difficult, you may find that other people’s actions are irritating or even stirring hidden anger or rage from deep within which can be quite disconcerting if you were not aware of their existence. Day to day activities which require concentration can become difficult because of lack of focus or even brain fog, and in severe cases, the despair can be felt so strong and so deep that it can lead to thoughts of suicide or self-harm which needs addressing immediately with your doctor. Such thoughts or feelings can arise because of the level of separation anxiety that you feel from your God, your belief system, especially if you have walked your spiritual path for years, as suddenly, it feels like your entire spiritual world has collapsed, everything that you have built your life on has suddenly diminished, or gone. It hasn’t really, but that is how it can feel. You may also find yourself suffering with insomnia, changes in appetite, flare ups of digestive issues, feeling fatigued as well as experiencing other signs of stress throughout your body.
Many would ask: why did I need to go through a spiritual breakdown? Sometimes we don’t always know why, and we just have to accept that we don’t always need to know the answer, but what is important is self-care and support so that you are not suffering in silence. Those closest to you need to know that you are going through a difficult time, even if they also do not know why or understand why.
A spiritual breakdown is said to be akin to a much deeper purge than a dark night of the soul, and that it is, once again, a time of clearing away that which no longer supports you. This can be magnified if you remain in a place of resistance rather than surrender.
As difficult as it may be, surrender seems to be the only way through, and having time alone to just be, to let go, to be able to be how you feel without external expectations is important. If emotions come up, respect them and yourself and permit them to flow appropriately. It is a time of self-care, it can leave you feeling vulnerable, but you have to be courageous enough to be willing to ask for support if you need it. Support might just mean a spiritual friend who understands what you are talking about, it may be a spouse or family member who is happy to cook you a meal sometimes, or keep the kettle boiling. Quiet times alone are imperative to this journey because it is the time you need to feel what you are feeling, to experience that which you need to experience in order to move on and through. Although time with others will give a brief welcomed break from feeling, feeling is what is needed, so make sure you don’t avoid your feelings for too long otherwise you could end up bringing yourself out of that space and may not be able to get yourself back there, which may sound good, but that just means that you would have to revisit that place again.
Growth doesn’t come without a struggle, even the tiny seed has to crack open to allow new growth to burst forth from it and weave or force its way up through the dark, up through the dirt until it finds the light. If a small seed is expected to do this in order to grow, why would we expect to be able to excuse ourselves of that same experience? We grow, we die, we birth, life in itself shows us that there is always a cost involved with change. Change does not happen without change, we must be willing to breakdown ourselves, in this respect we are looking at a spiritual breakdown of our preconceived ideas, thoughts, beliefs, behaviours in order to grow. The trees let go of their leaves, flowers die, hurricanes change the earth’s surface, even tides affect the earth’s crust, nothing stays the same, not even time stands still, life is CHANGE so to live is to let go, and to let go is to surrender to the ebb and flow of the river of life.
